Losses and Changes

As many of you have probably now heard, the Peace Corps Madagascar program has been indefinitely suspended and all volunteers have been safely evacuated from the country. All 116 of us landed here in Jo-burg, South Africa by last Tuesday, and have since been wading through heaps of paperwork, enduring the poking, prodding and collecting of the medical team, and trying to sort through the emotions of this heartbreaking experience. I have yet to fully process the loss or accept that this chapter of my life has come to an end, very sadly without my consent and without any closure, but I’m working on it.

And though they are strong, somewhat dramatic words to use, I do believe that the best description of this whole thing is heartbreaking loss. For me, the loss of my Malagasy friends and family, the loss of my job, garden, house, belongings, the loss of a full year of experiences in Madagascar, and the loss of my potential as a second year volunteer serving my community. I will not see my very pregnant friend give birth next month, I will not see my three year old neighbor expand his limited vocabulary (which includes my name) to complete sentences, I will not see the pride spread across the faces of my environment club students as we continue to build upon the tree nursery project, I will not get to share a meal from my first rice harvest with the friends who helped me plant it, and I will not be able to complete my commitment to my community…neither of us will be able to see what we could have accomplished together over two years. And for these things, my heart hurts.

And for the loss of the Malagasy people during this political clash of egos and guns, I feel the most pain. Rioting has led to the loss of life, looting and destruction have led to the loss of businesses and community confidence, unconstitutional take-over of the government has led to the condemnation on the international community, who has pulled out all non-relief aid, volatility has led to loss of foreign tourism and investment, and to a people already living on the bare minimum, there is the loss of a road leading towards a better life and the replacement of instability and reduced resources and opportunities. This is not to say that the discontent leading up to the coup was uncalled for, or that this new ‘president’ could not make a change for the better, but to the greater population of Malagasy people, a change over of power could have waited two years for the nation’s next constitutional elections. How can you keep moving forward if you’re too busy fighting the steps that will get you there? And how can one group of men shape and change the lives of present and future generations of an entire nation? And finally, as a biologist, what does this mean in terms of global biodiversity loss…tracks towards conservation of Madagascar’s unique flora and fauna will be severed during this change-over…how are we able to continue to help the Malagasy people to help themselves and their environment?

As I mourn these losses, I also recognize that I have had an incredible opportunity through PC to meet some of the most amazing people of my life, live in a way that is so powerful and different, and change myself through the process, and even if heartbreak had to be a part of it, I wouldn’t have asked for any other experience. I have not lost my many memories of Madagascar, I have not lost the laughter I shared with my community, I have not lost my most amazing support network of PC friends, who over the past thirteen months have given so much to me, through encouragement and love (though we are now scattered throughout the world, as opposed to the world’s fourth largest island), and I have not lost the lessons I learned about myself, the changed perception I have gained and the future of reflection about my experience. And for these things, I can bear the losses.

As most of my PC friends move on to the world of Returned PCV status, I have decided to continue my service, and am hoping for a transfer to either Tanzania or Zambia in the upcoming weeks. I will keep you updated as this opportunity unfolds. It has been a difficult decision to make, but I am committed to finishing my service, and am excited for the chance to try it all again…two PC experiences for the price of one. Thanks for reading, thanks for your thoughts and love, and thanks for a moment to honor the Malagasy people and the life they so willing gave and shared with me. Please keep in touch…stories from home are a great distraction, and besides you’ve read this far, so I owe you one. :)

Love you all very much,
Tara Magnolia